SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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