I need to stop coming to work sober
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So vagazzling was a success
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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