we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
