lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
