am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
