I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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