I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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