can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize