And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
