1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
