Got a toothbrush?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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