This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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