This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
