She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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