so that wasnt chicken after all
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
