No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
