pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
