Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
