My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
