My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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