forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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