dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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