I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
