shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
