The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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