It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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