Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
