Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
