My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
