Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
