Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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