i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
