It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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