I just pynch a tree in the face
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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