New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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