Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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