it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
