he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
