Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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