She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
