just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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