ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
