i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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