Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
