2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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