I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
