there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
