I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
only you would photoshop your dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
