It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
soo... how was my night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
