Soap is not a condiment
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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