Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
