You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I look better un-naked...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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