saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
