my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
