i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize