I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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