I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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