Someone shit on the floor
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
