everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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