i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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