In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
