I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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