apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
