I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He better not be in your backpack
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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