WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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