HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
