do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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