a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
