I love black thongs
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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