Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
