We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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