how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
