Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
