Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
