My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
