I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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