Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
