careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why did my mother make you get naked?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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