he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
